Clive Lewis didn’t get proper guidance.

Some wierd stuff has come out of the mouths of politicians recently accused of sexual harassment. Stuff that would be funny were it not so tragic. But probably the funniest is Clive Lewis’ defence. That is he blames it all on not having had proper guidance.

Well that can be easily fixed.

Right Clive. I am going to try to talk to you in language you are most likely to understand.

This cut out represents wimmins. You know those strange creatures that you seem unable to have a grown up relationship with.

In this area here we have appendages technically known as mammary glands, which you, being a colloquial kinda guy,  doubtless routinely refer to as tits. This bit is really simple. Unless you have an established erotic relationship with the wimmins concerned, tits are absolutely non tocare grazie.

Ok now it gets complicated.

I have spun the effigy around and approximately half way down you will notice the area we commonly call the bum. You will also notice this dotted line which functions as a kind of plimsoll line in reverse.  You can see that it is located a good deal higher than the bum. It delineates how low your hands may stray when you are giving a wimmins a friendly, comradely hug.

Now I know that this is a lot to take in all at once, but don’t worry. These guidelines are to be published in video form, and will be available for viewing on you tube as from next week.

Anyway the next LP  conference is 10 months away and I have every confidence you will have grasped it all by then.